About Me
I'm a geologist with a passion for understanding rocks and a budding interest in becoming the world's foremost expert in mammalian mass gravitational fields.
Did you know that the gravitational pull of a squirrel on a Monday morning is directly proportional to the number of acorns it hid the previous fall?
Experience
- - Rock enthusiast since childhood
- - Studied Geology at Planetary Mammalian University, Olympus Mons, Mars
- - Currently experimenting with hamster gravity simulations
- - Mammalian gravitational theory, including the 'Tumbleweed Effect' where the rotational spin of a rolling mammal affects local gravitational pull
Skills
- - Rock identification
- - Mammalian gravitational theory
- - Hamster wheels
- - Rock candy expert
- - Squirrel nut placement theory
Contact
To contact for research, please call or text:
Professional References
- - Dr. Rocky S. Tumbler - 202-932-0414
- - Dr. Squirrel Acornstein - 605-519-5161
- - Dr. Hammy Graviton - 775-276-6771
Personal References
Best Friend: Ghost (Dog) - 415-715-1339
"Woof! Hi there, I'm Ghost, Ryan's loyal companion and expert nap buddy. Let me tell you, Ryan is paws down the best human to discuss rocks and those mysterious gravity thingies with. Whether we're sniffing out the best rocks in the park or pondering how my squirrel nemesis affects the cosmic balance, Ryan's enthusiasm is infectious. Plus, he always shares his snacks! 10/10 would wag my tail for his theories any day."
Childhood Best Friend: Garrett (Human) - 530-206-0188
"I've known Ryan since we were knee-high to a grasshopper, and let me tell you, his obsession with rocks started early. I remember him dragging me to collect 'specimens' from the playground and explaining how they're secretly ancient artifacts. But his passion didn't stop there—now he's onto something about gravitational fields and mammals. Classic Ryan, turning everyday things into cosmic mysteries! He's the kind of guy who could convince you that even the neighborhood cat has a gravitational pull. Always hilarious, always thinking big. You rock, Ryan!"
Lab Partner: Cheese (Hamster) - 415-707-7501
"I'm the hamster in Ryan's groundbreaking gravitational experiments, and let me tell you, this guy is onto something big. Literally! He's always placing me on this weird spinning wheel and muttering about 'hamster gravitational fields.' At first, I thought he was nuts (pun intended), but after a few spins, I swear I felt lighter than air! Ryan's dedication to understanding how my tiny spins affect the universe is both mind-boggling and strangely flattering. Five stars from this furry astronaut!"
Gallery
